Reigniting my passion again. Picking up where I left off.
Have you ever wondered what it’s like to just be above the clouds? You constantly look outside of your window 10,000 feet above see level and you could literally see everything? Except the fact that you were not a passenger. You’re just another cabin crew looking at a little girl staring outside of her window with excitement.
Yup, that cabin crew was me.
With all the glitz and glamour, the lifestyle, the countries that we fly to day in and day out, I was really enjoying my life. My friends were so envious of me. There were days where I’d bring gifts back home from different countries to loved ones and they’d be so happy.
One day, I was casually talking to my colleague while we were on duty and she said how she was always forgetting things. It’s as if our body was doing the work but our mind is on autopilot. I told her “well, guess what? I feel the same way too”.
We just sat down and zoned out for a good 5 minutes.
Things started becoming complacent, mundane…. and then it got me thinking, do I really want to do this for the rest of my life?
I was having mixed emotions. I love flying but somehow it felt like a chore. I questioned myself, “what do I want?” I wondered why am I having these thoughts? There’s so many people in this world who has tried countless times getting to where I am now. Why am I not grateful enough?
Over the course of my flying career, I was approached to do a few businesses by a few of my colleagues. Like many other cabin crews, they too had their own side income businesses from selling insurance to becoming a part time personal shopper. Some even make money by using social media as another platform to showcase their layovers at a certain country.
I was looking for other opportunities. The possibility of wanting to get a side income which eventually could lead me to resigning and maybe if things turn out well, I could start working on ground. Well, a friend of mine introduced me to a business which only lasted for almost a year. I decided to quit because It wasn’t working out for me. We became strangers after that.
I also had this idea about doing other things like going back to University and taking up a new course. This means that I would still be flying and also doing part time studying. However, seeing my flying schedule and how demanding it was, I was worried I couldn’t juggle two things at one time. Eventually, I drop the idea of pursuing my studies and decided to just focus on flying.
I realized my passion for flying is slowly burning out. I wasn’t mentally stimulated. I was craving for something different but I was already comfortable in my little bubble. I tell myself, I must be crazy to leave such a high paying job. I figured flying is all I know, I guess I’ll stick to what I know then, right?
Money was good but I was not happy.
When the Pandemic started, the aviation industry has been badly affected. Thus, this has given me a lot of free time to truly reflect on my life and my career. It has made me look out for other jobs. Unfortunately, tough times calls for hard decisions.
So many companies are forced to close down businesses and people are getting laid off. There was a rise of unemployment which meant that there were so many people who are looking for the same opportunity as I am. Which makes it even harder for me because everyone is fighting to get a job now.
And so I started writing again as a form of distraction. I’ve always done a lot of blogging and journaling when I was younger but I never stick through it. I guess I was always worried that friends and family would criticize me. I was doubting myself a lot to the point I was overthinking a lot as well.
Fear got me in the way which made me stop writing and journaling altogether.
I never thought writing could make me happy. Though I’m not really good at it, I try to keep things moving. I’ve also grown an interest in reading books. (ah, finally….some mental stimulation). And mind you, I hated reading back then. Especially during turbulent times like this, writing and reading really does helps with my mental health and keeps me sane.
I guess you could say I’m slowly reigniting my passion again.
Slowly but surely.
